Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
