I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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