I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
