I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
