Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
