After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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