She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
