I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
