Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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