I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
