six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
