In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's blow job season.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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