I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
