the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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