Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
