an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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