You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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