dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
