I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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