And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
