Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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