I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
