drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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