Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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