I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
