He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
