i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
