I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
