her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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