four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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