At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
