Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
