i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
