I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
