ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I skipped work to stalk him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
