sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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