I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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