I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
