dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
