I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
