I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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