Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
