you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
