Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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