Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
