Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
