There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ladies don't puke and tell
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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