dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
