We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize