Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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