is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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