fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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