how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
