Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
