I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
