I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
