Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
