and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Terrible idea I love it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
