I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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