i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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