If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
no you cant smoke seaweed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
