Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i will never coherently bang her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
