so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
