$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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