Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
