So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize