3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
