i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
