Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
two words...techno handjob
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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