u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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