k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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