if i can run in heels then i can drive
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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