Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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