one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
