p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
