woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He kissed a someone with a penis
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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