It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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