I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Randomize
