just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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